Efforts After 30 That Truly Exhaust You

We all understand that a key way to increase energy is to stop unnecessary energy expenditures.

And the most draining pattern of all is self-blame.

Many people blame themselves for not being “good enough,” thinking that to be adequate, they must exert themselves to the absolute limit.

As long as I have any energy left, any strength at all that I haven’t used, I would blame myself later if the results are unsatisfactory, wondering if I didn’t work hard enough.

Thus, many people start to push themselves too hard in advance to avoid future regret over potentially poor outcomes, leading to a common psychological state—guilt during rest and reluctance during tasks.

1. Disproportionate Reactions: Many people feel inexplicably irritable or perceive injustice when they see their spouse relaxing with feet up watching TV, or their child playing games. This is actually a projection of their own inability to relax and enjoy downtime. When they do relax, a voice inside them criticizes: “Look, you’re not working hard enough. That means you are not doing well enough, and you’ll mess things up.”
2. Self-Imposed Pressure: This often leads them into a state of self-criticism and even scares them into self-punishment. Throughout my years of practice, I’ve observed that 99% of people hold a limiting belief: Poor results = I’m not good enough = I didn’t try hard enough.Breaking this mindset starts with recognizing that poor outcomes do not reflect personal failings. Many factors beyond our control influence outcomes, like a child getting sick despite a mother’s meticulous care—no amount of perfect care guarantees immunity to illness, yet many mothers will blame themselves when their child falls ill.
3. Ineffective Efforts: Many people’s efforts are confined within their familiar frameworks, a form of futile diligence. Consider the story of a man searching under a streetlamp for his keys because that’s where the light is, not because he’s sure the keys are there. This allegory highlights the futility of misguided efforts.What needs to be understood is that this type of effort, driven by anxiety or compulsion, is ultimately about self-justification rather than genuine effectiveness.
4. Parental Dynamics: Once, discussing child-rearing, I pointed out to my husband that our daughter, despite being playful, does not necessarily need top grades at this stage. He agreed but still occasionally nagged her to spend more time studying than playing. This repetitive nagging was more about him needing to feel like he was doing his paternal duty rather than what was actually beneficial for her learning.This often leads to an antagonistic dialogue with the child, reinforcing a cycle of ineffective effort and personal confrontation, based on the belief that he needs to “do something” as a father.
5. Underlying Beliefs: Many parents criticize their children for making excuses, yet they unknowingly model this behavior by blaming external factors for their actions, thus teaching their children to do the same. This contradiction between words and actions does not effectively teach children to take responsibility for themselves.
6. The Cycle of Misguided Actions: Our interactions with others often reflect our unconscious teachings, shaped by our deep-seated limiting beliefs. These beliefs, whether about money, love, life, or parenting, act like invisible chains that not only restrain us but also deteriorate our relationships.

Breaking free from these limiting beliefs and the cycle of ineffective efforts requires a profound shift in understanding. Only then can we unlock our true potential and direct our energies towards truly meaningful pursuits, achieving greater freedom and power in our lives.

In essence, reaching our goals isn’t merely a matter of effort—it’s about aligning our efforts with the right beliefs and breaking away from those that hold us back. This realization can dramatically illuminate our paths and enhance our power to live freely and effectively.